Crisis Response

Didymus belongs to various crisis teams in different states. He is also to provide services by other organizations that have been in contact with him, to assist emergency responders, including firefighters, emergency medical services, law enforcement, hazardous materials and heavy rescue. He has also provided services for emergency services workers in disaster situations.

Didymus is a member of the American Association of Experts in Traumatic Stress, the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, and the National Association of Christian Counselors. From the AAETS, he is a Certified Crisis Chaplain, Certified in Crisis Intervention and Certified in Emergency Crisis Response. From the ICISF, he has Certificates of Specialized Training in Spiritual Care in Crisis Intervention, Schools & Children Crisis Response, and Substance Abuse Crisis Response.

Didymus has presented at different locations for different audiences about Critical Incident Stress Management, Stress and its Management, Suicide and Stigma Free.

Death  is something that is always around emergency services. Emergency  services sees it so much, and may meet death if things go wrong on a  scene. 

When  I teach class, I say "Thank you for joining emergency services, now is  the time to say goodbye to the age of innocence. We see things that the  public does not want to see, or even know what happens." After that  statement is made, we start teaching them about critical incident stress  management and other ways to handle stress, as well as resources that  are out there. 

Death  is all around emergency services and it is something that all emergency  services has to deal with. We deal with those who die in a fire, car  crash, someone who has a heart attack or other medical call, someone who  has taken their own life, a child or an elderly person that dies, etc.  But this also may be the public, or from the emergency responder’s  family, or the family of emergency services. Sometimes it may seem like  too much. Death does not discriminate. Sometimes emergency services may  experience many deaths in a short amount of time from different parts of  their lives.

Death  is a part of life, not always a good part. When someone has been  suffering, it is said that they experience pain no longer. When it is  quick, at least they did not feel any pain. Death cannot rule our lives.  Responders need to work on how they will process the different deaths.  Each death will hit a responder a different way.

Emergency  services may or may not get used to how much is seen. When I worked my  first shift in EMS, within the first five minutes I met death. Some  people get accustomed to dealing with death of a client, to the point  that when they see a bloody scene, they may think of what they are going  to have for dinner. Other people may not be able to finish the rest of  the shift. But one thing that we all have in common is that we all must  deal with death.

People  cope with death in many ways. Some people may use firehouse humor to  help them lessen the blow. But some others may think about death a  little more. Maybe the person reminded us of a family member, or was a  family member. Maybe the person was someone that we have worked  alongside of for many years. Maybe when we see one particular face of  death, we may think about our own mortality.

We  know that if someone in emergency services die, we put the mourning  band over our badge, lower the flags to half-staff and put bunting on  the station. Some other companies may have their own traditions, but  most of us mark the day and have the flags lowered for 30 days. There  are other traditions that may arise at different stations to say goodbye  to an emergency responder.

When  a child dies, it hits hard. An innocent child. When emergency  responders have a call with a child, the pace gets quicker, they work  harder and pull out all the stops. The death of a child or children  effect emergency responders harder. Some of the people that have been  portrayed as the rock may be effected more.

But  emergency services is not exactly a safe occupation. Death is all  around us and on certain calls we can almost see the Grim Reaper  standing in the shadows as the emergency responders are trying to do the  best work that is able to be performed.

Many  emergency services wear the Class A uniforms more for funerals than  anything else. The black mourning band may seem to be over the badge for  so long. Sometimes it may feel like joy will never come because there  is so much in common. One fire chief told me that, “One thing we all  have in common is death".

Each  one of us needs to think about the way that we work with death. It is  not an easy subject to talk about, but we can also make things easier  for when it is our time to die. Think about a will, prearranging your  funeral services, insurance, discussing if you are an organ donor, etc.  Sometimes people say the best way that they want to die is quietly in  their sleep.

What  resources do you have to deal with seeing so much death? Do you have a  chaplain to talk with? A counselor? The crisis team? Do you have friends  to talk with, or that will mourn with you? Job, when he lost  everything, his friends came over and spent time with him. They sat  there for seven days, just being present and not saying a word. But they  were there for him. Are you there to help someone with death, even if  it is by just sitting there?

Let  us also remember to celebrate life. Tell your loved ones that you love  them, let them hear those three words. Yes, love is a four letter word,  why is it so easy to say the “F” four letter word, yet so hard to say  the word love? We never know how or when we will die. Let those who you  love hear it before they will never hear it from you.

Love you Dad!

 When was the last time that we thought about  grieving? People grieve many changes in their lives. We grieve losing a  job, a divorce, death, moving and many other changes. But do we really  understand what it is to grieve?

They  say that there are five-to-nine stages of grief. The five that are most  common are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Some  people think that you go from step one through step five in that order,  but grief is not that neat and clean, or that predictable. A person can  spend a long or short time in any of these phases. They can revisit any  phase many times.

You can go from  denial, to anger, to bargaining, back to anger again, to depression, to  anger again, to acceptance and to depression again. It all depends on  the individual.

Let’s  look at the death of someone who died from being sick or old. The  family may have been taking care of the individual for years. Even  though they understand that the person may be at peace now, it still  does not remove the pain. 

Months  may go by until they decide to deal with the person's belongings.  People may want this or that to remember their loved one. People may not  even touch any of the possessions because it may cause them too much  pain. 

Events  that go by may trigger the grieving process again, such as the person’s  birthday, the holidays, special landmarks in time or place, a smell  that reminds them of the person, or a song. Just like Critical Incident  Stress has many triggers, so does grieving; after all, it is a critical  incident. Some may just want to sit there and experience the grief  because they are afraid that when they stop grieving, they may forget  the person.

God  says that we should love one another. Being there to be with someone as  they grieve is a sign that you care, even just by helping someone  figure out the paperwork, or what to do with the possessions. My friend  told me that it was a great help as we cleaned out a relative’s house.  We sat there for hours and talked as we went through everything. We  figured out where it was to go, who it would go to, and/or if we would  throw it out. Once in a while we would start to laugh, seeing things  from our childhood that they saved from years ago, and seeing what we  had from years ago.

It  is perfectly fine for someone to mourn. We all need time to process our  losses. As I write this, I'm thinking of one of my clients that died,  who I knew for about 30 years, and also one of my friend's relatives who  died. I'm also thinking of someone who means a lot to me that was  recently diagnosed with Leukemia. I, myself, am mourning losses with my  friends, as well as preparing myself for things that are inevitable. I  know that I may be devastated when the person passes, but I also plan to  remember the person close to me and I plan on honoring the person with  my service, thoughts and actions.

Children  sometimes have a harder time dealing with grief, which people can  assist with. There are counselors and also some camps that help, such as  Comfort Zone Camps. Comfort Zone is a nation-wide camp that assists  children when they have challenges dealing with their own grief.

I  ask that you be there to grieve with those who mourn, and be patient.  It is okay to just be there and be silent when you do not know what to  say. It is part of caring for people and being part of a family. We will  all grieve at one time or another.

Grief (Full Unpublished Article)

When  was the last time that we thought about grieving? People grieve many  changes in their lives. We grieve losing a job, a divorce, death moving  or any change. But do we really understand what it is to grieve? They say  that there are five to nine stages of grief. The !ve that are common  are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Some people  think that you go from step one through step !vein an order, but grief  is not that neat and clean, that predictable. A person can spend a long  or short time in any of these phases. They can revisit any phases many  times.You can go from Denial to Anger to Bargaining to Anger again to  Depression to Anger again to Acceptance to Depression, it all depends on  the individual.

Let’s  look at the death of someone who died from being sick or old. The  Family may have been taking care of the individual for years, Even  though they understand that the person’s may be now at peace but it  still does not remove the pain. They find out that they person died. Then  they have to notify the relatives. They may have to be there as they  body is removed. They have to notify the house of worship and start the  funeral home. They go back to the residence without the family member  and have to pick out the clothes for the funeral, and all the paperwork,  pick out a casket or urn, prepare the service, pick out where to have a  repast and the menu and who to invite for the repast. Will it be open  or closed casket, will there be a viewing or not, how to write the  obituary? Then when all this is done, they go home and sleep in the  residence without the person. But the toothbrush is still there. The  clothes may still be out, mail to be read, pictures out, so many  reminders.

On  the day of the service, they have to sit there for a few hours and look  at the body, the vessel that carried the soul, the essence of the  person. People come to give comforting words, but most times people do  not know what to say to comfort. Do they really comfort or do they only  make things worse? Many people do not know what to say. Most of the  times, just being with the person silently is what they need. Then comes  the service in the funeral home. It may be painful if the faith leader,  or person doing the service does not know the person or does not attempt  to comfort the person. If it is a member of service, the entire funeral  process may make matters worse. Has anyone thought about how it might be  to sit through the ceremony and watching emergency services come  through? The family may watch the casket loaded into the hearse and then  they have to sit there as the procession gets ready and drive past the  house and possibly the station. Then watch everything at the grave site.  The casket come out, everyone line up, the service, hearing Taps or  Amazing Grace.You have the repast, which may only be family. The family  needs their own time. I remember that my family usually said that the  only me that we got together were for weddings and funerals.The family  goes back to the house and has all the reminders, while the wound is  still fresh. But what else are they to do? The may need help dealing with  the paperwork and all. Some companies only give two days to grieve the  loss of a close family member. No time is given for those extremely  close friends or distant relatives. The pain may comeback a4er the work  day is over. 

Months  may go by until they decide to deal with the persons belongings. People  may want this or that to remember their loved one. People may not even  touch any of the possessions because it may cause them too much pain.  Events that go by may trigger the grieving process again, the person’s  birthday, the holidays, special  landmarks in time or place, a smell  that reminds them of the person, a song…. Just like Critical Incident  Stress has many triggers, so does grieving, a4er all it is a critical  incident. Sometimes may just want to sit there and experience the grief  because 

they  may be afraid that when they stop grieving they may forget the  person.God says that we should love one another. Being there to be with  someone as they grieve is a sign that you care. Maybe by helping someone figure out the paperwork or what to do with the possessions. My friend  told me that it was a great help as we cleaned out a relative’s house.  We sat there for hours and talked as we went through everything. We  figured out where it was to go, who it would go to or would we throw it  out. We saw things from our childhood and started to laugh, once in a  while, at the things that they saved from years ago, or what we had from  years ago.It is perfectly fine for someone to mourn. We all need time to  process our losses. As I write this, someone of my clients, that I know  from about 30 years ago died, one of my friends relatives died and  someone that means a lot to me have been diagnosed with leukemia. I  myself am mourning losses with my friends, as well as preparing myself  for things that are inevitable. I know that I may be devastated when the  person passes but I also plan to remember the person close to me and I  plan on honoring the person with my service, thoughts and actions.

Children  have a harder time, at times, dealing with grief. There are people who  can assist with grief. There are counselors and also some camps that  help also, like Comfort Zone Camps. Comfort Zone is a nation-wide camp  to assist children when they have challenges dealing with their own  grief.I ask that you be there to grieve with those who mourn and be  patient. It is okay just to be there and silent, when you do not know  what to say. It is part of caring for people and being part of a family.  We will all grieve at one time or another.

Some  time ago, I heard a speaker talk about the most important person on the  fire scene. I do not think that it was too popular with the  politicians, but the information was so important that I asked him if I  could use his basic idea. I could not think of a better time to submit  this topic.

He  was talking about life priorities on the fire scene. Yes, so many  people say that the priority is the citizen, but so many times people  forget about the most important person on the scene. It is you. Yes, you  who is reading this column.

When  the alarm goes off and it states that there is a resident in the  building, the response is a little faster, the adrenaline is pumping  more. When it is a child, we move faster and risk even more for the  innocent lives.

Even  if we are willing to risk our lives for our brothers, when he calls a  mayday, we still have to remember the most important person on the scene  is you.

When  you are on an airplane, the flight attendant tells you to put on your  oxygen mask before you help another person. Everywhere we go, we are  being told that we are important. The National Fallen Firefighters  Foundation has the 16 initiatives to remind us to make sure that we make  it home safe. Ask yourself, how many times you have heard the saying  that if everyone makes it home, then it was a good call.

We  may have images of going in to make the heroic save of a person trapped  in a building fire. Sometimes we may not always remember how important  we truly are. If anything happens to you, what do you want said at your  wake to your children or spouse? Don’t you think you owe it to your  family to come home every night? Yes, we do owe it to the citizens to  give it our all, but we owe it to our loved ones, to be responsible  enough to come home.

Scriptures  teaches us “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down  his life for us and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” 1  John 3:16 or “Greater love has no one than this that he lay down his  life for his friends.” John 15:13

We  are to be willing to lay down our lives for our brothers but we are  also supposed to take good care of ourselves. We are also supposed to be  there to take care of our family, spouse, wife and parents.

I know that I did not hit all the points that the speaker did, but I believe that I was able to strike at the main theme.

So be safe out there and remember how important it is for your children to have you there at their school play.

 So  what is the symbol of February? It is the heart, usually a red heart.  It is usually the symbol for the love and devotion that we have for a  love, or someone that we have strong feelings for, a spouse, or a  girlfriend or boyfriend, or someone that we ask to be our valentine. Do  you remember when you were a child you would hand them out in grammar  school?

But  let's take a look at the heart through the eyes of a firefighter. We  know that heart disease is the number one killer of firefighters. I  think that nobody will dispute that fact. 

Throughout  our entire career we will continue to hear that. There is so much work  and research that was done to prove that point.

Heart  disease will get us. I have seen if affect the firefighters of all age  groups, the old, middle-aged and also the young. So what can we do to  help keep our hearts in good working condition? Eat right, exercise, and  relieve stress. Hmm, relieve stress. Chew on that for a minute. But  firefighting is stressful and so is being around a firehouse. We will  come back to that.

Did  you think that I would forget to mention to get proper check ups and go  for your stress tests? When was the last time that you had your heart  check? Why? Have the firefighters in New Jersey not checked into the  Captain Buscio program? Check it out for yourself at http://www.captainsgift.com/ you will be amazed at who you will meet there. Do the brothers in other  states have similar opportunities? I meet a few brothers from some paid  departments. 

Once  they go there, the referral to others becomes so easy. I met an  experience firefighter that told his son that just joined a paid  department to get checked out every year, and the son was in his  twenties. Imagine that the father was giving his son a way to take care  of himself.

There  are so many ways that we can take care of our heart. Did you know that  stress can kill? Yes, I know that there is good stress and bad stress.  Let's take a look at Critical Incident Stress, for a moment. Some of the  signs are: chest pain, elevated blood pressure, rapid heart rate,  difficulty breathing. What is this starting to sound like? Does any of  this sound a little like a heart attack? Don't believe me? Google it for  yourself.

So  what can we do about reducing our stress on our heart? Did you ever  think of meditating? A friend that I know also taught about writing in a  journal. How about praying, reading, running, martial arts, yoga? What  is the thing that works for you?

We  also have stress that sits and festers. We may be ticked off at some  people or situations. Maybe you did not get that promotion. Maybe a  person at work or the firehouse really gets under your skin. Maybe you  do not like what is going on and it eats at you. Maybe the sight of  someone raises your temper. Maybe you have problems with your wife,  ex-wife, or girlfriend. Maybe someone is your arch nemasis, like Lex  Luther to you being Superman. This will add to stress onto your heart.  Maybe you enjoy getting mad. Why? Are you willing to die because you  want to hold a grudge against someone? The other person may not even  know or care that you are holding a grudge at them.

So  what are you going to do about it? Choose to live. A book that I read  tells us that we are to forgive our people. Forgive them seventy time  seven times. But also that we are to pray for those that persecute us.  We are to actually love our enemies and do good to those who hate you,  bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

Yeah,  I know what you're thinking, Chappy don't give me that religion stuff.  Ok, I won't give it to you in religion. I listened to a very courageous  Marine of the 1st Recon Battalion in Vietnam, Clebe McClary. He said  something that stayed with me, "FIDO". This is not a dog, but Forget It  and Drive On. We need to forget the garbage that people do. If we do  not, it will sit in us and do its damage to our heart. Do not give that  other person that much control of your life. Refuse to be a victim. Rise  above it. Forgive them and pray for them.

Forgiveness  is a very powerful medicine. Can you imagine what would happen if your  ex-wife knew that you forgave them? Can you imagine what would happen to  the person, who is trying to get under your skin and loves watching you  blow up, if they found out that you forgave them? Release the emotional  toxins in your body. Forgive and do good things for your enemy. Do not  be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Try  it. You may be pleasantly surprised. You may find even more good things  will come your way. Would you be willing to do it if it meant that you  might live longer? Is it worth seeing your kids grow up? Or keeping your  spouse? Or enjoying life even more?

My brothers, take care of your heart every way that you can.